Every spring, in mid to late May, I find myself offering up a little prayer. As I hear the squeal of tires and the vrooming sound of cars speeding up and down my neighborhood street as if it were a lane on a racetrack, and I remember that the college kids are home and the new high school drivers have spring fever, I pray that no one in the neighborhood gets hurt as a result of a young driver feeling invincible and extra cool when driving fast. I have no doubt that there are some very responsible young drivers out there, and I know quite well that there are plenty of adults who ignore speed limit signs and disobey all rules of the road. However, as unfair as it might be, I worry more about the young drivers.
I was reading an article in the June 2, 2009, issue of Women’s Day by Paula Spencer titled “Give Me A Brake!” In it she says that she could make a long list of things she once feared as a parent and that two of the scariest scenarios she could imagine that seemed to loom far in the future were paying for college and having a teenage driver. Her oldest is now 16 and has his learner’s permit, so that once far away milestone is here. She states: “Sixteen-year-olds may look mature on the outside. But better neuroimaging over the past decade has shown scientists that the teen brain is, well, only half-baked. The prefrontal cortex, the part that controls judgment, values, long-term goals and impulse control, doesn’t finish ramping up until long after age 16 – not until around 25, as a matter of fact. No wonder car crashes are the leading cause of death for teenagers in the
It was after reading this article, and hearing the aforementioned zooming around my neighborhood, that I remembered hearing about a specific ritual for new drivers. I was at a Women’s League Convention a few years ago where one of the breakout sessions featured Lori Hope Lefkovitz. Lori is the Director of Kolot, the Center for Jewish Women’s & Gender Studies (check out Kolot at www.kolot.org). In our session, we discussed existing rituals, but actually spent more of our time thinking of life events where a ritual would be comforting to have where one didn’t already exist. We talked about a few together and then were encouraged to create our own rituals.
Kolot created a website called www.Ritualwell.org that “gives Jewish women and men around the world access to the abundance of new, meaningful rituals and prayers for holidays and lifecycle events.” Check out the site for yourself to see all that they have to offer, but most relevant to this posting is the new driver ritual which can be found below. Maybe going through it with your teen drivers will be helpful as they head out in a car, on their own. Maybe it will only serve to help parents of teenage drivers feel a little better as their kids hit the road. Whichever is the case for your family, I thought it was worth passing on to you. Ritualwell.org also has a section on rituals for travelling, so if you want to engage in a moment of reflection and prayer before leaving your home, you can check those out as well. Wishing you all safe summer travels!
A Family Ritual for a New Driver
By Rabbi Rona Shapiro
Undoubtedly, receiving one's first driver's license has become a major milestone on the road to adulthood. Usually, its means different things to the teenager and to the parents -- the teenager is filled with the excitement of her new independence and freedom and the recognition of her adult privileges; the parents are filled with trepidation -- is their child really ready for this momentous moment? Will they drive safely and exercise good judgement? A ritual for parents and children helps to integrate this mixture of feelings, enabling the parents to recognize the child's accomplishment while simultaneously offering words of caution and protection.
The Ritual
· On or close to the day on which the child receives her driver's license, prepare her favorite meal and plan to have everyone home to celebrate.
· Together, write a contract, in which parents and children spell out expectations around use of the car. A sample contract1 might look like this:
Respecting the privilege of driving, I will:
· Wear a seatbelt and ask my passengers to do the same
· Drive at or under the posted speed limit
· Respect the rules of the road
· Drive with courtesy and caution
· Be home on time or call before I am late
· Take care of the car, reporting problems immediately
· Refuse to drink or use any drugs when driving
We will:
· Expect to be called if any problem with the car or passengers arise
· Come get you, no questions asked, when you need us
· Always take care of repairs needed on the car.
Both parties should sign the contract and keep it somewhere safe.
Parents and the new driver can then read tefilat haderech (prayer for the road) together. One can also find this prayer printed on a plastic keyring or a plastic version that hangs from the rear view mirror which would make an appropriate gift for the occasion. Also see the driver's prayer in the personal milestones section of ritualwell.org.
Tefilat Haderech (Traveller's Prayer)
Masculine:
Yehi ratzon milfanekha Adonai Eloheinu ve'Elohei avoteinu shetolikhenu l'shalom,
v'tatzidenu l'shalom, v'tadrikhenu l'shalom, v'tagi'enu limchoz cheftzenu l'chayim
ul'simchah ul'shalom v'tatzilenu mikaf kol oyev v'orev (v'listim v'chayot ra'ot)
baderekh, umikol minei puranuyot hamitragshot lavo la-olam, v'tishlach brakhah
be(khol) ma'aseh yadeinu, v'titnenu l'chen ul'chesed ul'rachamim b'einekha uv'einei khol
ro'einu, v'tishma kol tachanuneinu, ki El shome'a t'filah v'tachanun attah. Barukh
attah Adonai, shome'a t'filah.
Feminine:
T'hi ratzon milfanayikh Adonai Eloheinu v'Elohei imoteinu shetolikhinu l'shalom,
v'tatzi'dinu l'shalom, v'tadrikhinu l'shalom, v'tagi'inu limchoz cheftzenu l'chayim
ul'simchah ul'shalom v'tatzilinu mikaf kol oyev v'orev (v'listim v'chayot ra'ot)
baderekh, umikol minei puranuyot hamitragshot lavo la-olam, v'tishl'chi brakhah
be(khol) ma'aseh yadeinu, v'titninu l'chen ul'chesed ul'rachamim b'einekha uv'einei khol
ro'einu, v'tishmi kol tachanuneinu, ki El shoma'at t'filah v'tachanun at. B'rukhah
at Yah, shoma'at t'filah.
May it be Your will, Lord our God and God our ancestors, that you lead us toward peace, place our footsteps toward peace, guide us toward peace, and make us reach our desired destination for life, gladness and peace and return us to our homes in peace. May You rescue us from the hand of every foe, ambush along the way and from all manner of punishments that assemble to come to earth. May You send blessing in our handiwork, and grant us grace, kindness, and mercy in Your eyes and in the eyes of all who see us. May You hear the sound of our supplication, because You are God Who hears prayer and supplication. Blessed are You, God, Who hears prayer.
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1. Sample Contract taken from How to Bury a Goldfish...and 113 Other Family Rituals for Everyday Life by Virginia E. Lang and Louise B. Nayer (Daybreak Books, 2000).
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