Prayers

Many of us offer them about lots of different things. Sometimes it’s as simple as a prayer for no rain during a field trip or a soccer game. Or sometimes it’s a prayer for rain so that a game is postponed on what is already a busy day and you can use the time for something else. We offer prayers for little everyday things we would like to see happen or not happen, but in my experience those prayers don’t seem to carry the same weight as the ones that are offered on Shabbat and holidays, and those don’t even seem to carry the same weight as the prayers offered when something is wrong.

When I hear bad news, the first thing I think to say is “I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.” And then I really do. But I realized something last week that I have been doing for the past three years and it took a child’s experience to help me see the error of my ways.

Every single time I have uttered “I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers” since August of 2006 through last week, I have had a little moment of guilt hit me. Right after the words would come out of my mouth, I would feel like I had done a disservice to the person I had just said this to, because with all of the tsouris in my world, I would think to myself, what business do I have offering my prayers when obviously my prayers are not working? If my prayers are not working, then by offering them to someone else am I offering broken prayers that will do them no good, or even worse, could I somehow have a negative effect on them since even though I am praying so hard, my prayers are seemingly answered with more tsouris?

It was last week, when a friend shared with me that his child felt like something was her fault because she had not prayed hard enough, that my heart broke and my immediate thought was of course it was not her fault. I was sure that her prayers were offered fervently, with all of her energy and commitment for the best possible outcome, and the fact that things did not work out as all had hoped for was not a reflection on her prayers, or how she offered them. She should not feel guilty about her prayers, or feel for a single moment that her prayers were not worthy, or that they were ineffective. Any thought offered to support or comfort another is a wonderful gift, no matter how intangible, and should always be thought of as such. And regardless of the outcome, prayers answered or not, the offering of the prayer, the act of wishing only the best for another person, is such a moment of lovingkindness, that I wanted this child to know that she and the person she prayed for shared that moment and the specialness of that should not be replaced by feelings of guilt. It was in this moment, when I was thinking all of these thoughts about this situation, that I realized that all of the things that occurred to me about this child, applied to me as well.

I need to lose the guilt. Imagine that – a Jewish woman trying to lose the guilt! Could be easier said than done, but I am really trying. My prayers are not broken. Whether or not I feel like my prayers are being answered has no bearing on my capability of offering prayers to others. Any tsouris I am experiencing cannot rub off onto anyone else. Anytime you offer your best thoughts and wishes to another person, you are doing something helpful even if it doesn’t always feel that way based on the outcome.

Women are so helpful to each other in times of trouble. Comforting words are at the ready and we point out what is so clear to us about the situation because that’s easy to do from an outside the situation perspective. I am very grateful to have had a chance encounter that gave me the opportunity to look at myself from a new perspective and to make an adjustment to my thought process. I will continue to keep my friends and family members in my thoughts and prayers, only now, without guilt or judgment about the quality of my prayers.

Staying Positive

I was having a pretty good week. I was feeling so triumphant for silly little reasons – I caught up on the laundry (if only for one day!), I secured all of the back to school supplies on both of my boys’ lists (yes – I know it’s only July, but ladies if you wait too long, trust me – the glue sticks will be gone!), and every single night at dinner time, there were no complaints about what I served – amazing!

I was also feeling so triumphant for a few big reasons. All of the details have been taken care of for three bathroom renovations! Work starts on Monday. And perhaps, most important of all, all of the details have been taken care of for one overnight trip, one long weekend trip, and one week-long vacation. This is huge for us, as we have not been able to take a vacation for three years due to many health issues.

And then, I encountered a few very unhappy people who seemed determined to rain on our parade. These are people we are connected to, but who are the glass is always half empty, there is no joy in the world, types who have an uncanny ability to spread their misery at the worst possible times. And, the things that cause them to be miserable, are things that make us say “are you kidding me?” and “really?” They have a knack for making mountains out of molehills, and dwelling upon things they cannot control or change. They try to drag us into the middle of whatever the latest episode involves and every time this happens, they are able to bring us down a little bit.

We have been through many of these episodes with these people over the years and when it happens, we try to work through it with them. But we have now pretty much come to the conclusion that for them, things will not change and this situation will likely not improve.

However, we are determined that it’s time to draw the line, to no longer allow them to bring us down for even a little bit, and to continue to look at the glass as being half full! No matter what is on your plate, no matter what you are facing in life, there are moments of joy to focus on, there are things to be grateful for and ways to stay positive. Sometimes you really have to hunt around to find the humor in a situation or to locate the happy moments, but they are there. You just have to want to find them.

I have found two sources with tips on how to stay happy. One is from Woman’s Day magazine and has 12 easy ways to stay positive no matter what! The other is from Time Magazine and is a list of 20 Ways to Get and Stay Happy.

http://www.womansday.com/Articles/Health/Reframe-Your-Life.html

http://www.time.com/time/specials/2007/0,28757,1631176,00.html

Check them out and please share your best tips on staying positive even when dealing with tough situations.

10 Reasons Worshipping the Sun is Actually Healthy For You

Sounds like such a contradiction to so much we have heard over the years, doesn't it? Yesterday, as I was driving around doing errands, I heard this list read on the radio, and when I got home I searched the internet for it and found it posted on Yahoo, in the Shine from Yahoo section, written by Brett Blumenthal. Here is the text from the 10 reasons that were posted there.



Of course, exposure to sunlight is a risk for skin cancer, so this should not be taken as a green light for subjecting yourself to hours in the sun without sunscreen. The article states that depending on your skin type, you probably need 5 to 30 minutes of sun exposure to the face, arms, back or legs (without sunscreen) twice every week. Consider the benefits listed below, and make your own call.



1. Vitamin D: Vitamin D is the only vitamin that can be synthesized in the skin through a photosynthetic reaction triggered by exposure to UVB radiation. Vitamin D, specifically is important for immune response, mood stability, and bone health. Vitamin D deficiencies have been directly linked to seasonal affective disorder (SAD), osteomalacia (a softening of the bones because of defective bone mineralization), and, increased premature cancer mortality.



2. Happy Hormones: Exposure to sunlight enhances our overall mental outlook and sense of wellbeing. The skin's exposure to sunshine releases endorphins. Endorphins are our body's natural anti-depressants, and as a result, a lack of sunshine can cause decreased endorphin production, resulting in depression disorders.



3. Circulation and Heart Health: Sunshine helps to increase circulation by dilating the blood vessels in the skin and enhances heart health by decreasing blood pressure, while increasing cardiac output. This facilitates the transportation of nutrients and oxygen to our cells.



4. Natural Detox: Sunshine exposure helps to increase liver function, which is responsible for filtering and removing wastes from the body. Further, as a result of increased circulation from the sun, we are able to more efficiently, eliminate the waste through our blood.



5. Skin Health: Although too much exposure can increase risk of skin cancer, exposure to the sun can increase the healing of skin diseases and conditions such as eczema, skin ulcers, skin fungal infections, and acne.



6. Immune System: Sunshine increases production of both red and white blood cells, strengthening the immune system.



7. Boosted Metabolism: Sunshine can help with weight loss. This is due to the fact that it helps to boost metabolism and maintain blood sugar levels.



8. Natural Disinfectant and Antibiotic: Sunshine kills harmful viruses and bacteria, making it a natural antibiotic and disinfectant. Many disease microbes are killed by sunshine.



9. Cancer Prevention: Yep, you heard me right. Turns out, that sunshine can actually help prevent some cancers (breast, ovarian, and colo-rectal). This is a direct result of the synthesis of Vitamin D, which is important in warding off these types of cancers.



10. Improved Sleeping Patterns: Melatonin production is enhanced by sun exposure. Melatonin is a hormone produced by the pineal gland, that encourages sleep.

Interesting Article - Eat Less, Exercise More - Gain Weight?

I came across this article on momlogic.com and it sounded all too familiar. I have been fairly ticked off at my metabolism lately and now realize I have been making a few of these mistakes. This one is worth a read:

http://www.momlogic.com/2009/05/weight_loss_mistakes.php

Once we have the points in the article above in the forefront of our minds, staying motivated in our drive to be physically fit can be tricky. As I was reading my July/August 2009 issue of Women's Health, I came across this article and thought I would pass it on as well.

http://www.womenshealthmag.com/fitness/stay-motivated

Do you have a favorite workout routine? Fitness tips to share? Please comment so that we can all benefit from your advice!

A Ritual for the Road

Every spring, in mid to late May, I find myself offering up a little prayer. As I hear the squeal of tires and the vrooming sound of cars speeding up and down my neighborhood street as if it were a lane on a racetrack, and I remember that the college kids are home and the new high school drivers have spring fever, I pray that no one in the neighborhood gets hurt as a result of a young driver feeling invincible and extra cool when driving fast. I have no doubt that there are some very responsible young drivers out there, and I know quite well that there are plenty of adults who ignore speed limit signs and disobey all rules of the road. However, as unfair as it might be, I worry more about the young drivers.

I was reading an article in the June 2, 2009, issue of Women’s Day by Paula Spencer titled “Give Me A Brake!” In it she says that she could make a long list of things she once feared as a parent and that two of the scariest scenarios she could imagine that seemed to loom far in the future were paying for college and having a teenage driver. Her oldest is now 16 and has his learner’s permit, so that once far away milestone is here. She states: “Sixteen-year-olds may look mature on the outside. But better neuroimaging over the past decade has shown scientists that the teen brain is, well, only half-baked. The prefrontal cortex, the part that controls judgment, values, long-term goals and impulse control, doesn’t finish ramping up until long after age 16 – not until around 25, as a matter of fact. No wonder car crashes are the leading cause of death for teenagers in the US – especially in the first year a teen is licensed, according to the CDC.”

It was after reading this article, and hearing the aforementioned zooming around my neighborhood, that I remembered hearing about a specific ritual for new drivers. I was at a Women’s League Convention a few years ago where one of the breakout sessions featured Lori Hope Lefkovitz. Lori is the Director of Kolot, the Center for Jewish Women’s & Gender Studies (check out Kolot at www.kolot.org). In our session, we discussed existing rituals, but actually spent more of our time thinking of life events where a ritual would be comforting to have where one didn’t already exist. We talked about a few together and then were encouraged to create our own rituals.

Kolot created a website called www.Ritualwell.org that “gives Jewish women and men around the world access to the abundance of new, meaningful rituals and prayers for holidays and lifecycle events.” Check out the site for yourself to see all that they have to offer, but most relevant to this posting is the new driver ritual which can be found below. Maybe going through it with your teen drivers will be helpful as they head out in a car, on their own. Maybe it will only serve to help parents of teenage drivers feel a little better as their kids hit the road. Whichever is the case for your family, I thought it was worth passing on to you. Ritualwell.org also has a section on rituals for travelling, so if you want to engage in a moment of reflection and prayer before leaving your home, you can check those out as well. Wishing you all safe summer travels!

A Family Ritual for a New Driver

By Rabbi Rona Shapiro

Undoubtedly, receiving one's first driver's license has become a major milestone on the road to adulthood. Usually, its means different things to the teenager and to the parents -- the teenager is filled with the excitement of her new independence and freedom and the recognition of her adult privileges; the parents are filled with trepidation -- is their child really ready for this momentous moment? Will they drive safely and exercise good judgement? A ritual for parents and children helps to integrate this mixture of feelings, enabling the parents to recognize the child's accomplishment while simultaneously offering words of caution and protection.

The Ritual

· On or close to the day on which the child receives her driver's license, prepare her favorite meal and plan to have everyone home to celebrate.

· Together, write a contract, in which parents and children spell out expectations around use of the car. A sample contract¹ might look like this:

Respecting the privilege of driving, I will:

· Wear a seatbelt and ask my passengers to do the same

· Drive at or under the posted speed limit

· Respect the rules of the road

· Drive with courtesy and caution

· Be home on time or call before I am late

· Take care of the car, reporting problems immediately

· Refuse to drink or use any drugs when driving

We will:

· Expect to be called if any problem with the car or passengers arise

· Come get you, no questions asked, when you need us

· Always take care of repairs needed on the car.

Both parties should sign the contract and keep it somewhere safe.

Parents and the new driver can then read tefilat haderech (prayer for the road) together. One can also find this prayer printed on a plastic keyring or a plastic version that hangs from the rear view mirror which would make an appropriate gift for the occasion. Also see the driver's prayer in the personal milestones section of ritualwell.org.

Tefilat Haderech (Traveller's Prayer)

Masculine:

Yehi ratzon milfanekha Adonai Eloheinu ve'Elohei avoteinu shetolikhenu l'shalom,
v'tatzidenu l'shalom, v'tadrikhenu l'shalom, v'tagi'enu limchoz cheftzenu l'chayim
ul'simchah ul'shalom v'tatzilenu mikaf kol oyev v'orev (v'listim v'chayot ra'ot)
baderekh, umikol minei puranuyot hamitragshot lavo la-olam, v'tishlach brakhah
be(khol) ma'aseh yadeinu, v'titnenu l'chen ul'chesed ul'rachamim b'einekha uv'einei khol
ro'einu, v'tishma kol tachanuneinu, ki El shome'a t'filah v'tachanun attah. Barukh
attah Adonai, shome'a t'filah.

Feminine:

T'hi ratzon milfanayikh Adonai Eloheinu v'Elohei imoteinu shetolikhinu l'shalom,
v'tatzi'dinu l'shalom, v'tadrikhinu l'shalom, v'tagi'inu limchoz cheftzenu l'chayim
ul'simchah ul'shalom v'tatzilinu mikaf kol oyev v'orev (v'listim v'chayot ra'ot)
baderekh, umikol minei puranuyot hamitragshot lavo la-olam, v'tishl'chi brakhah
be(khol) ma'aseh yadeinu, v'titninu l'chen ul'chesed ul'rachamim b'einekha uv'einei khol
ro'einu, v'tishmi kol tachanuneinu, ki El shoma'at t'filah v'tachanun at. B'rukhah
at Yah, shoma'at t'filah.

May it be Your will, Lord our God and God our ancestors, that you lead us toward peace, place our footsteps toward peace, guide us toward peace, and make us reach our desired destination for life, gladness and peace and return us to our homes in peace. May You rescue us from the hand of every foe, ambush along the way and from all manner of punishments that assemble to come to earth. May You send blessing in our handiwork, and grant us grace, kindness, and mercy in Your eyes and in the eyes of all who see us. May You hear the sound of our supplication, because You are God Who hears prayer and supplication. Blessed are You, God, Who hears prayer.

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1. Sample Contract taken from How to Bury a Goldfish...and 113 Other Family Rituals for Everyday Life by Virginia E. Lang and Louise B. Nayer (Daybreak Books, 2000).

Used by permission of the author